Apps & Profiles
A profile is an invitation to a conversation, not a CV
Most profiles list attributes. The ones that work give somebody a specific thing to reply to.
Talk Before You Swipe — Dating, decoded — before the next left swipe
Apps & Profiles
Dating apps optimise for engagement, not for you leaving
The incentives of a subscription product and the goal of finding a partner are not aligned. That explains a lot of the experience.
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First Dates
Move to meeting sooner than feels comfortable
Extended messaging builds an impression of somebody that meeting them then has to survive. It usually does not.
First Dates
Who pays, and how to make it a non-event
The bill is a small question that carries a large amount of unspoken assumption. Deciding in advance removes most of it.
Communication
The specific sentences that make hard conversations easier
Most difficult conversations fail on the opening line. Changing how you start changes how it goes.
Communication
Texting pace is a compatibility question, not a test
Mismatched messaging rhythms cause a large share of early dating friction, and almost nobody names it out loud.
Boundaries
Boundaries are things you do, not requests you make
A boundary is a statement about your own behaviour. That distinction is what makes it hold.
Apps & Profiles
All apps & profiles →Apps & Profiles
Dating apps optimise for engagement, not for you leaving
The incentives of a subscription product and the goal of finding a partner are not aligned. That explains a lot of the experience.
Apps & Profiles
A profile is an invitation to a conversation, not a CV
Most profiles list attributes. The ones that work give somebody a specific thing to reply to.
Apps & Profiles
Checking a stranger is real takes about five minutes
Verification is not suspicion. It is a short routine that removes the one risk you genuinely cannot judge from a profile.
First Dates
All first dates →First Dates
Move to meeting sooner than feels comfortable
Extended messaging builds an impression of somebody that meeting them then has to survive. It usually does not.
First Dates
Who pays, and how to make it a non-event
The bill is a small question that carries a large amount of unspoken assumption. Deciding in advance removes most of it.
First Dates
Plan a first date so that leaving is easy
A good first date has a built-in exit. Designing one is the difference between an hour you can end and an evening you have to…
Communication
All communication →Communication
The specific sentences that make hard conversations easier
Most difficult conversations fail on the opening line. Changing how you start changes how it goes.
Communication
Texting pace is a compatibility question, not a test
Mismatched messaging rhythms cause a large share of early dating friction, and almost nobody names it out loud.
Communication
Listening is a set of behaviours, not an attitude
People who are told they do not listen are usually paying attention. What is missing is visible on the outside.
Boundaries
All boundaries →Boundaries
Boundaries are things you do, not requests you make
A boundary is a statement about your own behaviour. That distinction is what makes it hold.
Boundaries
Consent is a conversation, and it continues
Treating consent as a single checkpoint misunderstands it. It is ongoing, specific, and revocable at any point.
Boundaries
Love bombing is a pace problem before it is anything else
Intense early attention is not automatically a warning. The signal is what happens when you slow it down.
Long-term
All long-term →
Long-term
Moving in together is a logistics project people treat as a milestone
The romantic decision is the easy one. The conversations that determine whether it works are about money and mess.
Long-term
Long-distance works or fails on a plan, not on feelings
Couples who survive distance almost always have an end date and a rhythm. Those who do not, usually do not.
Long-term
The finances couples avoid discussing until they cannot
Most couples talk about who pays for dinner and never about debt, pensions or what happens if one of them stops earning.
Endings
All endings →
Endings
Ending it clearly is kinder than ending it gently
Ambiguous endings extend the difficulty for the other person. Clarity is uncomfortable once and finished.
Endings
The months after a breakup have a shape
Recovery is not linear and it is fairly predictable. Knowing the pattern makes the bad weeks less alarming.
Endings
Being left when you did not see it coming
The shock is a separate injury from the loss. Understanding why you missed it is part of recovering from it.
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- Checking a stranger is real takes about five minutesApps & Profiles
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